Sister-in-law gives 'wonderful gift of life'

When Gretel Fowler received the heart-breaking news that her cancer had returned, it put her dream of starting a family in serious doubt.

But she is now a proud mother, thanks to an unexpected offer from her sister-in-law and the dedicated care of the maternity team at Epworth Freemasons hospital in Melbourne.

Gretel and her husband Ed Ung were forced to consider surrogacy as an option after the Victorian woman's second diagnosis in 2019.

"I had a very rapidly-growing metastasis in my liver and the oncologist said it was quite an aggressive metastasis, which would be managed as a chronic condition and surrogacy was going to be the best way forward," she said.

Gretel had first been diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer in 2015, which ruled out her hopes of being able to carry a baby for nine months due to the need for regular scans.

Two years later the cancer had stabilised and the couple were able to preserve eight embryos, but then came the news they had been dreading.

With their options limited, Gretel asked her sister-in-law Ros Erskine at a family barbeque whether she knew anyone who might be interested in being a surrogate.

"From the start, I didn't think 'Yes, I am in. I am going to be your surrogate'," Ros said.

"Gretel and Ed never asked either. They just asked are you willing to meet with the fertility specialist. It's a lengthy process. After I was cleared by my GP, obstetrician and the fertility specialist, then I said, 'I am in'."

Epworth Freemasons' Maternity Concierge, Ellen Moriarty-Taig, was involved from the start of the process to help with logistics.

"Part of my role is to tailor the experience for each of our patients," she said.

"It is incredibly rewarding to be involved in a surrogate pregnancy. It is a wonderful gift of life and a special secret to keep."

After 10 months of counselling and legal process to prepare them for every possible outcome, Ros was implanted with Gretel and Ed's embryo.

Midwife Prue Hartley worked with obstetrician Shelley Rowlands to support the couple through their surrogacy.

"It was important Gretel and Ed were present for all antenatal appointments, either across Zoom or in person," Prue said.

"Test results were always discussed with both Gretel and Ros to ensure open communication."

However, the birth plan went out the window when Ros started labour four weeks early, in January 2022.

Gretel and Ed were interstate at the time and had to watch the birth on a video call, before changing their flights back to Melbourne to meet their baby boy, Oscar, the next day.

"We had jokingly said across the surrogacy, 'We don't want to be those idiots who miss the birth!" Gretel said. "We were due home three days after Ros went into labour."

Oscar is one of four babies brought into the world through Epworth Freemasons' comprehensive surrogacy care program since 2021.

His parents stayed in a room in the hospital's post-natal ward after he was born.

"This was important for them to bond with their baby, allowing time to learn to confidently feed and do all of his newborn care," Prue said.

Gretel hopes the story of her cancer treatment and Oscar's birth helps others who face adversity in their attempts to have children.

"We decided to share our story to raise awareness, advocate for, and normalise the different ways in which families are created," she said.

"I'm so proud that's how Oscar came to be, and I just think he will have the best story for 'show and tell'! And we will tell him in age-appropriate ways how many people were invested in him to make him a reality."

Ros said people had asked her how she could have a baby and then give it away.

"They're not understanding that you go into surrogacy with a different mentality. I went into this knowing I was helping Gretel and Ed bring their baby into the world," she said.

"When I was pregnant, I was so excited they were going to have a baby. It was always about them the whole time."

Gretel said she was eternally grateful for everything Ros had done for the family.

"The hardest thing about having someone birth your child and make you a family is there's never a gift good enough to give in return," she said.

"But Ed and I celebrate Ros just by looking at Oscar every day."

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